Shorts

Let me introduce you to the band: that’s Bryce Ryder, Sharlie Kaplan, and Logan Spruill. Life-long best friends turned chart toppers, Grammy winners, blah blah blah I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. We’re on the 68th show of their world tour, I gave them a little something to wake ‘em up, but they’re tired, don’t ask too many questions. You question too you much and your time’s done. I’ll just grab the next one in line. Got it? Good. Don’t be the reason they snap. Let them do that themselves. I want to see how far they can go before they get lost. Don’t get in the way of the contract. One more thing. I’m going to need you to sign your name right here. Just formalities. You can trust me. Welcome to the show.

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BRYCE RYDER (23), male

Jesus um…he’s lucky he’s talented and attractive. That’s all I gotta say. He’s a kid who never had the chance to be one. Showed up to the label meeting last week 45 minutes late holding a beachball and a giant pixie stick, while wearing 2 pairs of clout goggles…one on his face, and one on top of his head. Comes from a family of lawyers, which in hindsight makes my job easier because otherwise this dumbass would’ve “ah ahahaha’d” his way into jail by now. In fairness, he’s 23 and – thanks to me – has made more money than he’ll ever know what to do with since signing his first contract at 13. Yeah. You can do the math on that one. Charismatic as all gets out though. Could probably talk his way out of anything. Don’t let him and Sharlie be alone for too long together. She’s a lit match and he’s gasoline. They’re too alike for their own good. Their “3” tattoos are even in the same spot. Right inner arm, directly below the crease of their elbow. That’s the only tattoo on his right arm. His left arm though? A Sistine Chapel of permanent bad decisions. He’s got a story for every one of them though. And believe it or not, they’re all true. Kid never lies. He’d need a filter to do that.

SHARLOTTE “SHARLIE” KAPLAN (22), female

Don’t call her Sharlotte. We don’t own that trademark. It’s Sharlie. Sharlie. Sharlie. Sharlie. Write it down. Screenshot it. Whatever. She’s the fucking messiah of pop music. Knows a song will be a hit by the first 3 chords.  She’s always been like that. Since she was twelve. Had to reel her in while we still could. She didn’t know how good she was at the time. We did though. She does now. Honestly, she could probably be immensely successful in anything she wanted to. She just has that ethic. Won’t sleep until a project’s done. You won’t believe the places she’s taken me. They’re a trio – sure – but one star always shines the brightest. She knows it. Bryce knows it too. It’s caused a little competition – nothing wrong with friendly fire. It’s fun to watch. She’s a spitfire that one. Had to use some stuff to mellow her out. Now she can’t live without it. Or with it. She copes. She’s a fighter. Claims to be all about her family, but she hasn’t lived with them since we signed her. Moved to L.A. with Logan and his mom as soon as the ink dried. Her family couldn’t afford it. They can now though. She saved them. But they never came with. “Too many kids. Can’t uproot them all” her family claimed. Makes sense, I guess. Thank God I found her, huh?

LOGAN SPRUILL (22), male

The other two would be dead by now without this kid. Truly. Has access to the entire world just by flashing a smile and dropping his name but somehow his head is still on his shoulders. It’s miraculous. Never raised an issue, besides the whole glasses situation. He hates contacts but lenses just don’t look good on stage or on camera or anywhere where anyone can see him. He caved. We made a deal. All is good. For the most part he keeps quiet and keeps to himself. Even has his “3” tattoo hidden. Behind his right ear. Doesn’t flaunt his money explicitly, only in the details. He bought a $14,000 pen once. Bryce bullied him. Said it was because Logan was a Pisces. I don’t know what the hell that means and I don’t think Bryce does either. Logan took it personally. Wrote a hell of a song from it though (…and with the pen.) Whereas Sharlie knows the hits, Logan knows the lyrics. Dynamic duo. Doesn’t hurt that he’s in love with her either. Thinks he’s slick about it. He’s not. I knew before he even knew. They had a month-long fling on tour like 3 years ago. He’s not over it. Neither is she. She’s just better at hiding it. He hates that. They think no one knew. Hah! He’d still do anything for her though. Lucky me.

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